you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
