I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
