The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
