My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
