ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
