I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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