dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
