Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
