We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
