Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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