I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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