eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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