so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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