saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
