I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
