I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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