2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
