I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
