mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
