half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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