OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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