girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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