so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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