My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
