i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
