They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
