we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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