i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
