I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
