I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
