She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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