I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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