how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
