Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
