Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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