I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't turn off my feet"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
