Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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