im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
3pm strippers are depressing
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I AM VODKA MAN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
