my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
they need to just BURY HIM!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
