I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
