Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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