Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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