My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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