Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
