Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
