So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
