I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
