I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
