he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
