just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
