so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
