Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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